there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
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