If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Randomize
