My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize