My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
