After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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