I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Randomize
