Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Randomize
