He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
