i don't plan on having that self control this summer
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
organizing the empties. That sober.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
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