So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
