hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Randomize
