you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Randomize
