so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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