Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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