I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Randomize
