the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
