i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
He felt like a one man threesome
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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