You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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