We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
is this the sara with the beer cane?
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
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