If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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