Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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