Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
