You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
