I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
