I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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