: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
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