the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
