I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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