just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
