My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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