I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
