I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
