I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
