I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
