I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
