Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
You're completely useless in the revolution.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
