omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
