I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Randomize
