just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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