That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
