Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Still dying that you shit outside
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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