i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
