Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
