I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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