her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Randomize
