so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
