I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Life is so much better after having sex.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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