did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
