Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize