I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize