Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
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