are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
