I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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