ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
