I haven't been this sober since birth.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
then he tried to convert me to islam
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
