So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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