Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Randomize
