Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
