I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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