can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
