Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Randomize
