I seem to have left my pride at pride
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
