Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
