Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Randomize
