his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
