I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
