Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Randomize
