so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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