I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize