he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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