Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
