Have you finally orgasmed yet?
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
