if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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