Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Why is there bacon in the couch?
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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